Wednesday, March 24, 2021

I have an addiction.

 9 years.

It has been almost 9 years since I updated this blog.

But why?

Well to put it simply, I am addicted to food. I tried, god I tried so hard for so long to fight it, to restrict myself, to eat healthier, from one fad to another, from calorie restriction to keto to paleo, you name it, I probably tried it.

Today, the 24th of March 2021, I am 416 pounds. 

That is 60 pounds fatter than I was at my last post on this site. 

I love food. I crave it, food makes me feel good. Dad was gone with his new family, mom was at work, big brother and big sister had their own places and it was just mom and me, but mom had to work, so I had to fend for myself. But what does a 9-year-old kid cook? Well in my case butterfly pork chops and mashed potatoes. 

But for me, it was those mashed potatoes, I would struggle the next 32 years with my love of those starchy white creamy delicious carriers of milk and butter and salt and pepper and sometimes a little bit of garlic. 

Carbs, from mashed potatoes to chips, to fries, to fried chicken to pizza, everything I loved, everything that brought me comfort when I had no one to comfort me was fried or made of some sort of cab. 

But let's back up a step, obviously, I am writing today which means I have plans to get back on board and lose some more weight, but what brought me here?

When I started this site it was my wife, our boyfriend, and me. We are poly and were a throuple as they are called these days. Well, John left in 2013, it was a scene, drama, I wish him well in his endeavors and truly hope he finds the home and the things that he craves. 

Since then we have moved across the country, settled back in the great state of Kentucky, I can see the Cincinnati skyline from my front porch, it is beautiful.

We have gone through hell as a family, come out the other side stronger, gained many friends, and lost my best friend to Covid, the bastard. RIP Paul, you will never be forgotten brother. 

I dealt with Covid myself and still suffer from some of the symptoms and issues from it, I cannot breathe deeply for one, constantly tired, non-stop brain fog that makes even mundane tasks such as putting on pants feel like a monumental task. 

And, I have been stuck at 420 pounds with a margin of error of about 5 pounds in either direction.

I have starved myself, lost 5 pounds, and got so sick I was forced to eat,  I have meal prepped, I have eaten 6 small meals a day, and nothing, absolutely nothing worked. 

Finally, I gave up, I said I was done, I just refused to eat, so my wife started making me eat, once a night, we would go to my office after putting the kids to bed, sit down a d watch a show and she would make me eat enough to keep me going. Eventually, we got into that routine and I noticed I was starting to lose a slight bit, I was also feeling a little better. 

After a bit of digging, I learned about something I already knew about and assumed I could not do, intermittent fasting. Since then I have been eating just one meal a day, mostly meat and veggies, sometimes I go nuts and have 1500 calories worth of chicken strips and french fries, but it does not matter, because at 1500 calories and only eating once a day I have fallen into a routine that is actually working. 

I have been steadily losing about 2 pounds a week and it is noticeable even to those in the same house as me, apparently, my mood has lifted and my hugs are now better due to being able to get their arms all the way around me. 

So that is where we sit, as of today I have a daily routine of waking up and getting my kids ready for school, job search and computer work, make sure the kids are fed, sometimes have a family dinner, but mostly make sure the kids are fed, put them to bed, take the dog out, lock up the house, make me a simple dinner and go to my office and eat a simple meal while watching a funny show then bed. 

It is not rocket science, it is not some new fad, it is simply eating enough food once a day to keep me healthy. Now instead of just shoveling food I take my time to make something that looks nice, that tastes great, that is enjoyable, because each day I only get one meal so I make the most of it and enjoy it the best I can. This has made me very mindful of the way the food looks, the freshness, the presentation, and the flavors. 

So there you have it, one good flavorful healthy meal per day, food prep is dead simple for that, it is filling, itis enjoyable, it is working. But most of all, it is repeatable! I can eat dinner with my family and not feel bad about it, I can go out to eat and not feel bad about it, I can have a snack at mid-day, and not feel bad about it as I will still be well within a calorie restriction. 

The next step is to start daily walks. I plan to just set off with a 30-minute timer, when it goes off, I turn around and come back, one hour a day of walking through my hilly hometown and back should have these pounds simply melting off. 

Click that reminder button to be reminded when I post I plan to do a lot more in the coming weeks, I need to keep myself accountable. 

That is it for today, time to clean this mess up and start taking care of things.